Ok, this may be a little strange, but I was wondering if other moms experience the same thing. I think we’ve all had those dark thoughts…you know, you’re driving along singing to the music when you come to a bridge. Then suddenly your amazing Lady Gaga impersonation is interrupted by a terrible vision of crashing through the guard rail and falling into the water below. Eventually you shake it off and return to jamming to You and I.
Well, since having Elia these awful visions are near constant. I change her in her nursery, and tell her we’re going downstairs for breakfast. But my happy little moment is interrupted by this vision of my falling down the full flight of stairs with her in my arms. Which would be quite a feat, given that I’d have to do a 180 turn 1/2 way down to actually fall down the full flight. I stop at a traffic light and watch the car behind me slow to a stop in my rear view mirror. That’s what my eyes see. But my brain sees that car continue to crash into me without even attempting to brake. If there’s a deep ditch on the road next to me, I’m picturing crashing into it. If I’m in the center of our deck with Elia in my arms, I’m imagining falling off of it. If I’m in the grocery store and have to take both hands off the cart, I imagine someone snatching her, and then wonder if I’m still fit enough to run someone down. They’re short, quick visions and I do move on fairly quickly. It doesn’t scare me enough to stop living my life and doing what I want to do, so I don’t think it’s actual anxiety but it’s just strange. So while it may not be “normal” is it at least common? Is it “just a phase”, or is being hyper aware about every danger just a part of being a mom?