There’s the family you are born in to and then there’s the family you create. And then there are the families that others create who are still related. Confused?
In the wacky world of donor insemination, we have to understand that our donor, “Bruce Wayne,” isn’t OURS. He’s ripe for the taking by any lesbian or infertile couple out there who wants to drop a few hundred on a thumbnail sized vial of his goods.
When we found Bruce, he was untested. Unused. He didn’t have that coveted “live birth” icon by his name. The symbol to announce to the world that he can produce children. That’s a deal breaker for many, who prefer to go with proven donors, but he was very new to the program, and as perfect a match to Ashley as we could hope for. So we went for it and got really lucky. Which is exactly why I didn’t want to report Elia’s birth to the bank. See, once he had that “live birth” symbol by his name, I figured he’d become a hot commodity. And I didn’t want that. He was ours, all ours! But I finally came to my senses and realized that if we want to participate in the open donor program, Elia has to be registered. So I go online to fill out the forms and…wait…what’s that?….he has a live birth icon!?? Who? When? What??
Although I felt fiercely protective, I know the reality. I’ve been on the Donor Sibling Registry where families are finding out that their donor has fathered 30-40+ children. (Illegal by most bank’s own rules, but whether it is families not reporting, or banks being greedy, the fact is that there are flaws with the system). But we were special…we were his first! Or were we?
So after the shock wore off, I found myself kind of excited. I’m definitely curious. Not in a “plan a family reunion” kind of way, but in a “knowing is better” kind of way. I’d definitely like to know who’s out there and where they are located (in general terms) for many reasons.
And as for Bruce Wayne, we absolutely want to keep the “anonymous” part alive, but we’d also love for him to know how incredibly happy he’s made us.