“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage” is one of the universal truths that we all learn by 5. However, much like the other truth, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me”, this nursery rhyme doesn’t translate to the real world very well. Because, as we know all too well, sometimes there are a lot more steps between the love and the baby carriage.
I addressed a down and dirty summary of TTC. Ruminated on my legal name change. And Ashley has explored the reasons why semantics matter. But there were many other steps and decisions behind the creation of our family and, as time permits, I hope to address them here.
After the holy trinity of pregnancy questions (due date, girl/boy, name) the most common question we were asked was: How’d you decide who would carry? Really, I thought most people would be interested in how we acquired the sperm, but either people think that is too off-limits, or everyone has already see “The Kids Are All Right” and think they have it all figured out.
The answer to the pregnancy question is pretty simple. We knew I would carry since day 1. While Ashley wanted kids from the beginning, she saw pregnancy as a means to an end. A necessary evil to achieve the bundle of joy. Conversely, while I wasn’t totally sure I wanted kids (hmmm, another good blog topic), I knew that if we were going to have kids, I absolutely wanted to experience pregnancy. Men have expressed shock that I’d volunteer for this when there was “another uterus available”, but I felt a strong urge to be pregnant and, as it turned out, I truly enjoyed it. Even during the nasty 1st trimester and uncomfy final weeks.
Now that we have one down (3 to go if you listen to Ashley!), the talk sometimes turns to Ashley carrying, or perhaps me carrying but using her egg. Really, the wonderful thing about forging this new(ish) path is that there are no rules. No expectations. We’re free to create our family the way we want.
Thanks, Katy, for reminding me that there’s more to my family story than pumping and the daily poopy diaper count. 😉 If anyone reading has any other questions, feel free to ask. I kinda love talking about how this all came to be.
And as they say, there’s more to the story. Perhaps one day I’ll address: Fixing Ashley’s low sperm count through donor selection. Why I was hesitant to have kiddos. And maybe even a bit on legal woes.