I love Stacy & Clinton and What Not to Wear. They made dressing so much easier by asserting that all neutrals “go” and they gave me a way to convince my mother that peep toe shoes really ARE ok before Easter. So I was really excited to see 2 books by Clinton Kelly at my mom’s house: Oh No She Didn’t and Freakin’ Fabulous.
My mom lent them to me and I have found myself absolutely cackling at Clinton’s observations. Seriously, he’s a little bitch when he’s not making nice for the cameras. Now, I’m no fashion diva and could never be considered “trendy” but there are some basic fashion faux pas that even I recognize as appalling. So there I am snorting and snickering through the book, when I look down at the lap on which the book is perched. YOGA PANTS.
It slowly, painfully dawned on me that I’ve become a walking case of what not to wear since becoming pregnant. So here are my very own “exceptions” to live by when pregnant.
Yoga Pants: Clinton & I apparently both agree that one shouldn’t wear work out clothes unless you are on your way to or running errands after an actual work out. But, zomg, have you tried on yoga pants while in your 3rd trimester?? When your belly is way past your boobs and everything pulls, tugs, aches, rides, falls and expands, and you only have 1 pair of jeans, yoga pants are THE way to go for weekend errands. Perhaps not all is lost though: Unbeknownst to me, Ashley took a photo of my attempt to paint my own toenails. If THAT pose wasn’t advanced yoga, I don’t know what is.
VPL (and its pregnant sister, VBBL): Ok, I HATE visible panty lines. That’s why god invented really cute (and comfortable, seriously) thongs. And some items (aforementioned yoga pants, tights, etc) are designed for an even freer commando style. However, when you’re prego, commando won’t cut it. Since I have no idea who reads this, I’ll leave it at that, but all you moms out there know what I’m talking about. So cotton draw’rs are sometimes a necessity. Even with yoga pants. Such is life.
Then there’s VPL’s close relative VBBL – the visible belly band line. I admit it – I judged. I judged pregnant women who had the visible belly band line floating just under their boobs. Really, is it that hard to layer? To wear a thicker top?
And now, the karma train comes circling around, as it always does. Until now didn’t appreciate how difficult it is to mask that thing. Especially when you have to wear a bella band over the built in belly flap to fix a mediocre fit (see “fit” below). That stuff gets hot, and then I’m supposed to multi-layer with thick enough tops to cover it? Yeah, right. Do you know how hot I am all the time? So I’ve accepted this as yet another lesson in withholding judgement until I walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Or in this case, until I walk two miles in New Orleans 80 degree weather in a bella band. Consider this my mea culpa.
Fit: Who can argue that fit is absolutely imperative to look good and, most importantly, to feel good? But here’s the deal. (Oh, you knew there was a “but” coming). Early in my pregnancy, we went shopping at Motherhood and Pea in the Pod. We loaded up on business casual basics and nice-casual outfits and spent a fortune. And you know what? That will cover me for about 2 weeks. Dressing yourself for every event that can arise over 6 months is hard.
That’s why pregnant woman are so willing and eager to do the maternity clothes swap. And when you find yourself in that club, you quickly learn that beggars cannot be choosers. I’ve gleefully accepted clothes from a friend who is taller than me and 1 to 2 sizes smaller. A friend who is my height and 2 or so sizes larger. A friend who is considerably shorter than me and someone who is considerably skinnier than me. And while I tried on every item of clothing, and sent many, many, many of their clothes straight to storage due to poor fit, I’m currently wearing some clothes from each of these women on a regular basis. Luckily, maternity styles seem to be the great equalizer, but still – sometimes my long sleeve shirts don’t reach down as far as I’d hope. Sometimes a shoulder seam is a little long. Sometimes something’s a little tight, but I try to convince myself that it’s cute that I’m that secure in my belly. Sometimes pants are a little loose in the rear. Sometimes a dress hits the leg just a little too long. But you know what? This is just the cost of doing business.
So, maybe…MAYBE the rules relax just a little. Or maybe they do not, but we just don’t care as much any more. But please, just say no to camel toe. We need SOME standards, ladies.